If It's Friday, It Must Be Tequila!

I had not seen Mordo in over 3 years. He looked good. Neurotic and as eccentric as ever, he grabbed the children’s grocery cart and proceeds to walk through the grocery as if he was the naked emperor. Who could not like this guy?

We were making a quick run to the grocery store to get some things for dinner, and because this was Mordo’s ‘party night’, or the one night a week he allows himself to go overboard. This is also Tonya’s first time to see him since last time we were here too. For them, they have a lot of catching up and gossiping to do. Me? I’ll eavesdrop and talk about music and stuff with him. I like him because he is a music freak, as well as an eccentric. That is always a good combination. That, and he is genuinely an affable fellow. Hey, it’s Friday night and Mordo’s just bought a bottle of tequila! Let’s go.

Mordo chose the pasta sauce. Tonya will be denied her fantastic cooking in order to accommodate Mordo. He wanted pasta, as well as some assorted snacks. He is self equipped, even bringing his own tequila glass (just in case Tonya was empty handed). He buys his own hot sauce and tells her, “I will need eggs and beans in the morning for my hangover”. He knows exactly what he wants and he knows how to get it.

As soon as we get home, he’s opened the tequila and is sharing with Tonya. He’s hungry, so he is already snacking on some Mexican version of ciabatta and Manchego cheese. The tales and trivia are flowing freely. He’s non-stop and ready to take on more. For some strange reason, he pulls out his phone and shows me some photos on it. It is a picture of Johnny Winter (playing a Les Paul?!). Then there is a Stones photo, followed by a Hendrix one. He smiles and puts his phone away.

Throughout the night he and Tonya will obviously reminisce about things they have experienced together and their longstanding friendship. Thankfully, Mordo speaks good English, and most of the details are in my mother tongue. I know he doesn’t resent me like he does his Canadian neighbor, John, who’s been here 7 years and never utters a word of Spanish. I promise Mordo I will learn and not to be a bad Canadian.

The tequila list (*note awesome Paul Weller  keychain)

Mordo is determined to finish off his tequila. He is in for the long haul, and explains why he allows himself one night a week, to indulge. He tells me straight off, “I am going to help you learn about tequilas. I will make you a list of some of the best ones. You can try them as you wish”. He does. He sits down and scrawls on a legal pad starting with his favorite. He goes into detail of why he likes the different ones, what is trendy and why the coloring is different and how they dilute tequilas. It is quite interesting and it seems like he knows his stuff. I am sure I will put his list to use.

The bowls of pasta are laid out and Mordo has a request. He needs a napkin or a towel to hang in front, like a bib. He is particular. He stands and shows his plain, grey t-shirt. This is what he wants to protect, “These shirts are rare here in Mexico” he says while motioning at his plain grey shirt. He looks to Tonya, “You know, it is empty. All of the shirts you buy here have big prints on them” he says while Tonya nods in agreement. He is handed a blue dish towel and he is pleased with the amount of coverage. He can eat now.

As dinner is consumed, there are tales of how he was converted from a ‘progressive guy’ to a frequenter of discos. These were the heady days of Mexico City in the mid 70’s. “The disco guys were into Gloria Gaynor and stuff, I was progressive. I wore plain shirts, bell bottoms and had long hair. I was into Yes, Emerson Lake & Palmer…”he rapid fires without a pause. “Tonya changed me of that. I remember the first night I went. She would not let me go out looking like a progressive, I had to dress ‘nice’” and he tells of his conversion form night on. Oh yes, wild times, car wrecks, cop beatings and the general decay of friendships and people due to the ominous white powder which took over the scene.

Mordo went to high school in Kansas. It was there he saw a headlining show of Elton John with the openers Three Dog Night and T.Rex. His cousin was madly in love with Marc Bolan and took him to the show to specifically see Bolan. “She just loved him. He had that blue hair, you know?” he tells a very fascinating story of the time he saw Bolan. He is full of passion and his hands are flying all over the place as he acts like his cousin screaming, groping him, crying at the sight of Marc Bolan. “It was great, very great” he says smiling. It was 1975 and he was a very young man. What a way to see T.Rex…in Kansas!

Dash suffers for ethnic entertainment.

Mordo is Jewish, or as the Mexicans call one another of the faith, “paisano”. A Mexican Jew. His tales of being a teen in America and facing the dreaded fears of every white parent in the Midwest that their daughter is dating a Mexican Jew, whew! It is fascinating though, that he went to a Hebrew school and learned the language at a young age. It is very interesting to hear his take and stories on his faith, his heritage and the life in Mexico during the 70’s and the emergence of punk rock. Almost every tale is tied to an album or a certain episode between friends that eh and Tonya share.

“I cannot listen to certain albums, because they are too sentimental to me” he confesses. He smiles and asks Tonya of a specific time they sat with friends and listened to Al Stewart’s “Year of the Cat” album, over and over. ‘Tonya…you loved that record. Do you remember that night?” They both smile and recall the evening. It must be nice for them. I get all warm seeing them smile, and their eyes light up when they recall all their escapades and catch up on the latest happening with their friends. So and so is making very good money now. So and so died. She is on her fifth husband. He is so fat now.

Facebook comes up again and again during these talks. Mordo seems to be very fascinated by this hellish invention.

It should be a given, that he would ask what I thought about Obama. “I don’t know why, but I like him” he admits. Of course, he says, he leans right in his own country and in most concerns, “…but it is odd, when it comes to America, I am very liberal!” he laughs. He immigration issue is discussed, and much to my surprise Mordo shakes his head and says, “Americans. They don’t get it. They should do something about the immigration problem, because it is a problem!” He laughs at how people turn it into a ‘race’ issue “It is not racist. It is a real problem. It has nothing to with race. It is your country! You have your borders, you must protect them. There are laws!” I could not agree more, and more shocking is when almost in unison he chimes in when I start to say how truly racist Mexicans are. He laughs, shakes his head, “I know. We are so racist! Mexicans are horrible.” If only people could see what goes on on this side of border. He and Tonya talk of times out when even their friends were denied entry to bars and clubs because they were too ‘dark’, or from the wrong part of Latin America. La Raza, que bueno! Oh land of ‘hope and change’, you have no clue.

“Keith Richards has a fantastic philosophy”, Mordo says. “He is great. You should really watch his interviews on YouTube”. Tonya starts to laugh and tells a story of how as teens, Mordo had loads of pics of Mick Jagger, “he would always show me these photos and ask ‘Tonya, don’t you like him? Isn’t he good looking…” she says laughing. Mordo laughs too, and holds his hand out as if he is showing a photo. “I loved these photos. They were great. He looked great, no?” he asks without shame “It was around the Beggar’s Banquet period. He looked so great…”

I don’t quite get the combo Mordo is consuming. Loads of tequila, coffee and water. It is almost as if he is shuffling the cups with the hidden peanut beneath. He can’t understand why at midnight, we are not all doing the same. “You should have some coffee too, it is great!”

This guy is truly a night out. He is very well versed in so many things. He loves music. He can speak Hebrew and talk of the Russian girl he met while in Israel in the early 90s. Books, poets, drug riddled towns in Mexico, real estate, The Cure, the war, the revolution, the oil spill…it goes on and on. He really tells a great story of Ocotlan, the family’s maid. She could make the most amazing quesadillas. “People would come to my mother all the time, and ask to get Ocotlan’s food. They would offer to pay her higher wages and have them cook for them” he says. “But my mother, she would tell them to get lost. She works for me, I pay her”. Her name was Sarah, but when she was first hired, she told them to call her Ocotlan, because that is the village she was from. “Yes, there are several Ocotlans in Mexico. We never knew where she was from and where she went. We do not even know what her real name was” Tonya asks why she vanished so quickly. “We don’t know. Her husband killed someone” Mordo says, “…but it was in self defense” he adds while raising his eyebrows. “In Mexico self-defense is not self-defense, it is just what you say when you kill someone. We don’t know what happened; she just went back to whatever Ocotlan she came from”.

Tonya wants recipes, and asks Mordo to ask her mom how she made certain dishes. He laughs “No one knows! It is bad. Even my mother taught her dishes from Turkey and Ocotlan would make them better than my mother. Everything she touched was fantastic” he says. They both laugh as they discuss a bean dish she was ‘famous’ for. Mordo rolls his eyes as if in ecstasy.

There is quite a bit of time spent talking about food and maids who cook. Mordo tells of another amazing story of one of his aunts from the ‘home land’ of Turkey. She was one of 8 sisters brought here and her name was Fortuna. She had brought amazing and unheard of recipes from home. The Mexicans went nuts for her, the transplanted Turks even more so. Her specialty was a whipped and crystallized sweet made from sugar, lemons and water. “It was crunchy and hard, but when you bit into it, it was so lovely and floral. It would just dissolve and melt into this wonderful thing” Mordo says. He tells of one night after she had passed, that his uncle announced at a family function ‘If anyone can make Fortuna’s famous dish the way she did, I will pay you $1000!’ “Man, we were all at home in the kitchen trying our hardest. We all wanted the money!” he laughs “But no one could do it! No one knew the recipe and no one could reproduce it” He moves his hands as if stirring, and insists that the secret was how high the flame was and exactly how many times and at what rate you stirred the sugary mixture. “Many people would ask her for her recipes, but she would refuse. Even in our family, people would ask and she would say that what she cooked was hers, and she would take it all to the grave with her…and she did! She died and told no one how to cook anything that she had made” He says to this day, everyone who knew Fortuna talks about her food and how they would pay enormous sums of money just to have one of her dishes again.

“Don’t you think Tonya has powerful hands? Look at them, they are wonderful” he says all of a sudden, while taking a short break from story telling. “You can tell a lot about a person form their hands” he says and grabs Tonya’s hands. They laugh and compare hands. He is fascinated by her hands, and tells her that that was one of the first things he noticed when he had met her. Tonya is a bit shy about the compliment. He looks at me and asks, “Really. What if you met a beautiful woman and she had short, stubby fingers. Would you go out with her? Would you talk to her?” and he shakes his head and wrinkles his nose. “No. You wouldn’t, because she has ugly hands” he answers for me. We laugh at the odd observation, but it is true. Short, fat stubby hands and weird feet are a sure turn off. (Hand freaks take note)

That is a giant tortilla

It’s very late and raining. It has been raining almost all day. There is a noise in the kitchen and the conversation stops as we all turn to look. It is Maria Antonia. She has retuned from a trip back to her home in Vera Cruz. She is giggling, and there is another giggle too. She is dripping with rain and wrestling with her luggage and what looks like a huge pizza, wrapped in towels. Her sister is with her; she is younger and is quite shy. She has a little pot belly poking out from underneath her ill fitting t-shirt. Maria Antonio his ribbing her about her weight and tells Tonya, “She ate three tortas on the way here. Three…”. They giggle and take their luggage to her room. We hear them a few minutes later giggling in the kitchen as they cook a midnight snack. Mordo asks who she is and gets the rundown from Tonya. “She is cute” he says. A few minutes later the sisters walk to Maria’s room holding hands and giggling, with the younger sister hiding behind the other, ‘Buenos noches senora’ they say as they shyly duck out to her room.

We carry on and Mordo carries on his juggling coffee, tequila and water. Tonya cannot believe that Mordo has drunk as much as he has. He is not a bad drunk, but Tonya had warned how he may get very inquisitive and philosophical. Not really. Thankfully, he does not want hugs and sheds no tears and doesn’t get macho. He just keeps going and keeps talking. As his bottle empties, Tonya’s eyelids sink lower and lower. Mine get redder and redder. We are not marathon boozers, and although we are completely enjoying his company (especially Tonya); we are running out of gas. He looks at Tonya and tells her it is because she is not taking the magical tequila/coffee mixture. “It is not late!” he says as he notices us hunching over under the burden of oncoming sleep, “get used to it. We are just starting. The night starts after 1 am here in Mexico City” and he looks at his watch, “It is only after 1:30. We just started!” We only make it about 45 minutes more and finally have to quit. It is bedtime. Mordo says he will stay up and watch some TV, and will finish his bottle.

Mordo's much cherished tequila bottle (not empty)

“My blanket. Will it smell like Dash?” he asks, referring to the dogs lying on the bed. We laugh and tell him no. “I put new sheets on your bed, and a fresh blanket” Tonya re-affirms to him. We exchange our night wishes and go off to bed. Mordo didn’t last too long. It hadn’t been an hour later before I hear him walk up the stairs and into his room. Sweet dreams.

Aliens

Perhaps Tonya is getting a little too comfortable with hopping in the car to jet out somewhere else.  These long trips are a drag, but at least one gets used to sitting in the car. “These hour long rides are nothing to us now” she brags to Alexandra.  I confirm, admitting that we can easily while away over an hour by getting lost on what should have been an easy 15 minute trip to the grocery store.  However, it is different today.  Tonya wants to go to Tepoztlan, so we will pile in and go see what there is to see.  According to Tonya, we are going for a ride, a walk around and get a bite to eat in the square.  “They have had UFO sightings there too” she adds.

It is an easy drive to Tepoztlan.  Barely an hour away and the scenery leaving the south of the city is much better than the north.  Yes, you still have the sprawl and filth, but it is hidden better by all the greenery and hills.  Maybe it was just another cloudy day, but the mist and clouds made for some amazing lighting and fantastic scenes.  It really seems like half the journey is a slow, gradual climb up, and then a quick twisty bit down and voila!  Destination reached.  According to Loulou, right after you go through the ‘pear’, you exit.  The ‘pear’ being the sharp turns.  I think I know what they mean now.

I have no idea what to expect, but as we begin our descent, the way the mountains are formed look great.  They look ancient!  They look like something Aztecs would live amongst.  The do look different than the mountains on the west coast and the ones I have seen in Europe.  These look Mexican!  These are what I want all the mountains here to look light.  Lush greens, sharp rises and rock formations and bold profiles.  I like looking at them.  “The big one, that is the Tepozteco.  You can climb it.  I think there are some ruins up there” Tonya tells us. 

wonder if aliens see it this way upon approach?

A few years ago a friend of Tonya’s informed us that Tepoztlan was dangerous.  They had a mutual friend who was partying with the wrong crowd, and ended up dead in a field.  Yes, the dope gang was causing havoc there.  Now though, it is supposed to be ok.  Tonya’s friend Veronica gave us the thumbs up.  I trust she was right, because it looks very charming and inviting.  It is the perfect place to hang out for an afternoon!

We wind through the town, and find a place to park right outside the main square.  The kid watching the makeshift parking lot tells us it is 10 pesos an hour and to leave our keys in the ignition.  I peel off all the keys but the car key, and leave it poking out of the ignition.  I refuse to leave my Paul Weller keychain with a shady makeshift parking lot attendant.

I am immediately amazed at all the crappy stalls lining the streets.  I mean, it is typical stuff for tourists, but there is an over abundance of tacky tie-dyed, loose fitting, Stevie Nicks style clothing up for grabs.  It is all that cheap-o made in India stuff.  Then I start seeing loads of metaphysical/new-agey posters on the street lights and walls.  I get it…this must be a mini Taos.  This is where the beardo-weirdo professors from Universities in Chicago and the West Coast buy their getaway homes.  This is the place where wandering crusties and alterna-types come to seek the wisdom of the ancients and perhaps catch a UFO sighting.  The shop blaring the Indian music and hocking karmic talismans is the clincher. 

Who wants to go to Mexico and buy cheap Indian stuff?  I mean, really, do you need to come all this way to buy tacky incense and a fake crystal or get a henna tattoo by some guy wearing sandals and a bad Bob Marley t-shirt?  I understand buying a cheap desktop souvenir of the local mountain, a pyramid or even shot glass that says ‘Mexico’…but a flowing tie-dyed shirt with an elephant motif or an ashtray with symbols left over from George Harrison’s dark Horse years is beyond me.  Yoga?  Here?  Shouldn’t these two ancient beliefs be clashing in places like this?  Why try to be at peace with the universe and “ommmm” when the local Mayans have said “you have two years left and it is all over buddy”.  This belongs in New Mexico, not Mexico.

Whatever.  I get cheap laughs at the new agers seeking their infinite wisdom and intelligent communications form aliens, but I am seeking food.  We wonder through the market, eyeing up boiling soups, raw chicken on stained wood tables and the matrons swatting at flies with shredded plastic trash bags.  It smells great, but the amount of flies and raw meat in the open kind of turn me off.  Outside, we get drawn to the girl selling corn.  Tonya orders for us.  We all get the same.  A freshly boiled ear of corn, rubbed with mayonnaise and then sprinkled with cheese and then sprinkled with some sort of pepper (more like paprika).  A wooden spike is shoved in an end, and then the gourmet piece is handed to us.  Yummy.  It tastes great.  We sit on a bench behind the corn girl and watch her dish up ear after ear to the folks who come up and want an alternative to raw, stinking chicken left out on stained wooden tables.

nice church

typical street with cheesey new-age shops

typical side street ( image lies about how steep it is!)

UFO's land somewhere up there!

We finish our corn and decide to take a walk around to get a closer look at the town.  I am already self conscious of all the corn stuck between my teeth, so I probably look like an uptight guy hastily walking through town.  We walk towards the mystic mountain, and the hippy shops grow more frequent.  I appreciate the change of pace by the podunk bar with people piled out in the street, watching the latest game of the World Cup.  I like this place.  The streets dip and climb as they branch off into the neighborhood.  The homes look small and quaint.  There is lush green surrounding you, and the locals look quite content to accept the freaks coming in for a visit and the oddballs teaching yoga.

looking over the rooftops...

After a lengthy stroll, there is a call for coffee.  We find a small coffee joint.  The two grey haired guys at the front send out a ‘locals only’ vibe.  They aren’t old timers, but more like old Peter Fonda-types…you know, probably a bit hippy and wild.  It smells good in here, like real coffee.  There is an old lady standing behind a small counter with fresh baked goods for sale.  She can’t fool me though, I spot the mini-cinnamon rolls that you can buy at Costco for $10.  Still, it adds a nice touch.  The girl behind the counter makes two Iced Chais for Tonya and Alexandra.  I choose to sit and look at the surroundings. 

You just can’t escape it!  On the bulletin board, above the shabby couch, are flyers for a house for rent in a nearby ‘eco-village’ and a home for rent, built in a circular style with assorted new age amenities.   It looks like an egg.    I roll my eyes and divert my attention back to the Peter Fonda twins at the front.

When the girlies are done with their drinks, we decide to move on.  We have guests coming over later, and need to get back home.  We are pleasantly surprised with filed trip.  As we get in the car, there is a volley of ‘what I liked’ about this place being bounced all around.  Tonya had made a fantastic suggestion and I am glad she took us there.  I like it a lot.  I am not a believer in new age rubbish or UFO visitations.  However, I am convinced that all the seekers there will never find what they are after.  If aliens were coming to visit, they at least have enough common sense to recognize that the true beauty of the town has now been diluted and distorted by all those clamoring to catch a glimpse of a celestial visit.  Why on earth would aliens want to come to such a pretty place to have some old, leathery skinned, gluten-free nutcase wearing tie-dyed shirts and henna tattoos want stare at them and ask for advice? 

i love this place!

I will not return for any hopes of a UFO or to get cheap head-shop gifts, but I will happily go back to stroll the rolling streets and stare at the lovely mountains with gobs of mayo-covered corn in my teeth.

The Zoo (Out With The Kid)

Alexandra came to visit again.  This time we were able to actually do some things, rather than be consumed with house matters and traipsing around town to tie up Mexican bureaucracy.  Two things were on the ‘to-do’ list, the Zoo and Mummies.

Now I heard so much about the Zoo from Tonya and Alexandra, that I had high hopes.  Contrary to the previous paragraph, we actually caught the Zoo after tying up Mexican bureaucracy.  Tonya wanted to see the pandas.  She talks about them like they were her best friends.  Not too sure what it was Alexandra wanted to see, she muttered something about gorillas and big cats.  There were posters advertising the Zoo’s amazing serpent exhibit…wow!  Who doesn’t like staring at vipers form behind glass?  Let’s do it!

Wait.  With Alexandra in tow we have to stop.  Some over dramatizing can mean one of two things.  Either she is having a nicotine fit (really…at such a young age?) or just wants to look tough smoking, OR she wants to eat.  It is the latter.  She wants McDonalds.  First thing in the zoo and we have to sit while a chicken sandwich is consumed.

Things had changed a bit at the Zoo.  I am new here, so I would have never noticed.  However, Tonya and Alexandra were discussing how this was different and that was gone.  We chose a path and started on it.  I suppose I should say I am not a kid anymore.  I love animals, but hanging out in a Zoo is not necessarily my idea of fun.  I don’t like smelling exotic pooh and hay mixed together in the heat of midday.  

Why is the water always dirty and odd colors?

What has happened to the animals where now there is just an empty lot or cubicle?

Wolves.  I do not recall seeing wolves at my local Zoo or any others I had been to.  The hippos sat with his head under water…boring.  Giraffes are always interesting, so are Ostriches…those are some odd creatures.  Alexandra made a comment about the ‘dogs’ in a zoo.  I see what she meant, an area with a few Mexican hairless dogs running around.  Even other tourists were muttering about why this was in need of showing off.  I agree. So what!  The white rhino was a bit of a treat.  He looked very ‘prehistoric’ for lack of a better term.  He had two horns, one normal and one looked like an overgrown tree trunk. Birds.  Hmmm…I see them everyday, and was not too impressed.  I was a bit intrigued by a polar bear in Mexico City.  That seems a bit odd.  I suppose one could argue that pandas are an odd accessory here too. True.

The serpent exhibit was lame.  We have a better one at home.  The posters made it look hair-raising and something to tell the grand kids about one day.  Same ol’ same ol’ though.

Penguins in Mexico seem out of place to me too.  However, I do understand there are more ‘tropical’ type penguins out there.  To my dismay, the penguins were nowhere to be seen.  Everyone just stood there staring at their blank and empty playground.  Following the steps below the exhibit made for a brief smile.  A kooky sea lion was doing its rounds underwater.  He was definitely acting for the tourists as he wove in and out of the tunnels and underwater archways. Each time he would pass in front of the glass viewing area, he would face the crowd, fold his flippers in front of him and pass by with a smug and confident look on his face.  It is funny how you can see animals’ expressions.

Now seeing the orangutans was interesting.  They were hamming it up for the folks.  One was holding a frayed bag on its head while staring at the onlookers and mimicking kids.  No matter what he did, he kept one hand on his head, holding the old bag. 

Leopards are cool.  There were a few on display here, and we are lucky enough to stare at one up close as he lies out on a log to relax.  Ooh, and some exotic black leopard too.  Man, they have huge paws.  Yes, graceful and wonderful creatures.  There are many ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhhs’ as people see the big cats so close.

I am not some bleeding heart who is against zoos and scream this is all animal cruelty.  I understand their purpose and appreciate their purpose.  I mean, c’mon, I am in Mexico City and I get to see a real live panda!  Think of the airfare and hotel costs it would have been to go all the way to China!  So, good for the Mexican kids who get to see apes with bags on their heads and hairless dogs and goofy grey birds.  I am glad to have seen some of these wondrous creatures, and can vouch that it is a better zoo than Warsaw’s.  Alexandra has to smoke…we gotta go!