Aliens

Perhaps Tonya is getting a little too comfortable with hopping in the car to jet out somewhere else.  These long trips are a drag, but at least one gets used to sitting in the car. “These hour long rides are nothing to us now” she brags to Alexandra.  I confirm, admitting that we can easily while away over an hour by getting lost on what should have been an easy 15 minute trip to the grocery store.  However, it is different today.  Tonya wants to go to Tepoztlan, so we will pile in and go see what there is to see.  According to Tonya, we are going for a ride, a walk around and get a bite to eat in the square.  “They have had UFO sightings there too” she adds.

It is an easy drive to Tepoztlan.  Barely an hour away and the scenery leaving the south of the city is much better than the north.  Yes, you still have the sprawl and filth, but it is hidden better by all the greenery and hills.  Maybe it was just another cloudy day, but the mist and clouds made for some amazing lighting and fantastic scenes.  It really seems like half the journey is a slow, gradual climb up, and then a quick twisty bit down and voila!  Destination reached.  According to Loulou, right after you go through the ‘pear’, you exit.  The ‘pear’ being the sharp turns.  I think I know what they mean now.

I have no idea what to expect, but as we begin our descent, the way the mountains are formed look great.  They look ancient!  They look like something Aztecs would live amongst.  The do look different than the mountains on the west coast and the ones I have seen in Europe.  These look Mexican!  These are what I want all the mountains here to look light.  Lush greens, sharp rises and rock formations and bold profiles.  I like looking at them.  “The big one, that is the Tepozteco.  You can climb it.  I think there are some ruins up there” Tonya tells us. 

wonder if aliens see it this way upon approach?

A few years ago a friend of Tonya’s informed us that Tepoztlan was dangerous.  They had a mutual friend who was partying with the wrong crowd, and ended up dead in a field.  Yes, the dope gang was causing havoc there.  Now though, it is supposed to be ok.  Tonya’s friend Veronica gave us the thumbs up.  I trust she was right, because it looks very charming and inviting.  It is the perfect place to hang out for an afternoon!

We wind through the town, and find a place to park right outside the main square.  The kid watching the makeshift parking lot tells us it is 10 pesos an hour and to leave our keys in the ignition.  I peel off all the keys but the car key, and leave it poking out of the ignition.  I refuse to leave my Paul Weller keychain with a shady makeshift parking lot attendant.

I am immediately amazed at all the crappy stalls lining the streets.  I mean, it is typical stuff for tourists, but there is an over abundance of tacky tie-dyed, loose fitting, Stevie Nicks style clothing up for grabs.  It is all that cheap-o made in India stuff.  Then I start seeing loads of metaphysical/new-agey posters on the street lights and walls.  I get it…this must be a mini Taos.  This is where the beardo-weirdo professors from Universities in Chicago and the West Coast buy their getaway homes.  This is the place where wandering crusties and alterna-types come to seek the wisdom of the ancients and perhaps catch a UFO sighting.  The shop blaring the Indian music and hocking karmic talismans is the clincher. 

Who wants to go to Mexico and buy cheap Indian stuff?  I mean, really, do you need to come all this way to buy tacky incense and a fake crystal or get a henna tattoo by some guy wearing sandals and a bad Bob Marley t-shirt?  I understand buying a cheap desktop souvenir of the local mountain, a pyramid or even shot glass that says ‘Mexico’…but a flowing tie-dyed shirt with an elephant motif or an ashtray with symbols left over from George Harrison’s dark Horse years is beyond me.  Yoga?  Here?  Shouldn’t these two ancient beliefs be clashing in places like this?  Why try to be at peace with the universe and “ommmm” when the local Mayans have said “you have two years left and it is all over buddy”.  This belongs in New Mexico, not Mexico.

Whatever.  I get cheap laughs at the new agers seeking their infinite wisdom and intelligent communications form aliens, but I am seeking food.  We wonder through the market, eyeing up boiling soups, raw chicken on stained wood tables and the matrons swatting at flies with shredded plastic trash bags.  It smells great, but the amount of flies and raw meat in the open kind of turn me off.  Outside, we get drawn to the girl selling corn.  Tonya orders for us.  We all get the same.  A freshly boiled ear of corn, rubbed with mayonnaise and then sprinkled with cheese and then sprinkled with some sort of pepper (more like paprika).  A wooden spike is shoved in an end, and then the gourmet piece is handed to us.  Yummy.  It tastes great.  We sit on a bench behind the corn girl and watch her dish up ear after ear to the folks who come up and want an alternative to raw, stinking chicken left out on stained wooden tables.

nice church

typical street with cheesey new-age shops

typical side street ( image lies about how steep it is!)

UFO's land somewhere up there!

We finish our corn and decide to take a walk around to get a closer look at the town.  I am already self conscious of all the corn stuck between my teeth, so I probably look like an uptight guy hastily walking through town.  We walk towards the mystic mountain, and the hippy shops grow more frequent.  I appreciate the change of pace by the podunk bar with people piled out in the street, watching the latest game of the World Cup.  I like this place.  The streets dip and climb as they branch off into the neighborhood.  The homes look small and quaint.  There is lush green surrounding you, and the locals look quite content to accept the freaks coming in for a visit and the oddballs teaching yoga.

looking over the rooftops...

After a lengthy stroll, there is a call for coffee.  We find a small coffee joint.  The two grey haired guys at the front send out a ‘locals only’ vibe.  They aren’t old timers, but more like old Peter Fonda-types…you know, probably a bit hippy and wild.  It smells good in here, like real coffee.  There is an old lady standing behind a small counter with fresh baked goods for sale.  She can’t fool me though, I spot the mini-cinnamon rolls that you can buy at Costco for $10.  Still, it adds a nice touch.  The girl behind the counter makes two Iced Chais for Tonya and Alexandra.  I choose to sit and look at the surroundings. 

You just can’t escape it!  On the bulletin board, above the shabby couch, are flyers for a house for rent in a nearby ‘eco-village’ and a home for rent, built in a circular style with assorted new age amenities.   It looks like an egg.    I roll my eyes and divert my attention back to the Peter Fonda twins at the front.

When the girlies are done with their drinks, we decide to move on.  We have guests coming over later, and need to get back home.  We are pleasantly surprised with filed trip.  As we get in the car, there is a volley of ‘what I liked’ about this place being bounced all around.  Tonya had made a fantastic suggestion and I am glad she took us there.  I like it a lot.  I am not a believer in new age rubbish or UFO visitations.  However, I am convinced that all the seekers there will never find what they are after.  If aliens were coming to visit, they at least have enough common sense to recognize that the true beauty of the town has now been diluted and distorted by all those clamoring to catch a glimpse of a celestial visit.  Why on earth would aliens want to come to such a pretty place to have some old, leathery skinned, gluten-free nutcase wearing tie-dyed shirts and henna tattoos want stare at them and ask for advice? 

i love this place!

I will not return for any hopes of a UFO or to get cheap head-shop gifts, but I will happily go back to stroll the rolling streets and stare at the lovely mountains with gobs of mayo-covered corn in my teeth.